"Why do I feel all loopy!?" Tiny asked herself. Crack. "What was that?!" Tiny said. "I think it came from that tree.... Should I see what is over there? Na.. I do not want to get lost.." As Tiny is walking to her father's den she was hearing strange sounds... "There it is! My dad's den! I wonder what he was wanting to talk about..." Tiny said. "OWW PROFESSER!!!!!!!" Screamed a rabbit. "Sorry! You were in front of me!" Said another bunny. "Yeah right!!!!!" The bunny said. "Huh? Who is over there??" Tiny asked. "Professer! BE QUIET! It's a...a...a..-" "WOLF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Screamed professer. "SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Said The other bunny. "No! I won't hurt you! I promise! I'm just wondering... Who are you!?" Said Tiny. A little black bunny with grey swirls came out of the bushes and said "Hi! I'm little Tiny Paw. Little for short." Said Little. "I'm professer.... Said Professer as he walked out of the bushes. "Nice to meet you I have to go now... My dad need's me for some reason.. Bye!" Said Tiny. "Wait!!!!!! What is that thing on your necklace?" Asked Little. "Oh.. My friend Millicy found it and she gave it to me... I think it's a Ruby..." Said Tiny. "Oh cool.. I seen another wolf yesterday with that necklace... He was scary looking... He was digging a hole and then he went and chased after us. Luckly we did not get eatin'..." Said Professer. "Huh? Tell me more about this wolf like, what does he look like?" Asked Tiny. "THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN PROFESSER! RUN!!!!!!!!!" Screamed Little as Pine walked out of the bushes and the two bunnies ran off. Oh my goodness... That's what the wolf in my dream looked like!!!! Tiny thought. "Hand it over little crooked thing" Said pine. "Thing??!? I am the princess of MoonLight Pack! And hand what over!??!" Asked Tiny. "That necklace... I'm afraid that Ruby is mine." Said Pine. "I'm afraid you are not going to get this necklace!" Shouted Tiny as she ran off as fast as she could. "GRRRRR THAT'S MINE! YOU MUST GIVE IT BACK OR ELSE!" said Pine as he was chasing after Tiny... "DAD!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!" Screamed Tiny. A wolf came walking out of her father's den with blood on his mouth and paws... "What dad. . . Said Tree as he walked up to Tiny and other wolves surrounded her. "W-what did you do to him!!" Asked Tiny. "He was quite yummy" said tree laughing.
Pine laughed. "Hes dead!" Said Pine.
WOW
ReplyDeleteCannibalism?!
ReplyDeleteGood story though!
I Wanna Be In One, Its A Really Cool Story!!!!!!!! (If I Am ABLE To Get In I Choose My Rabbits, Awesome Tinygirl And Awesome Scarybeast, Scarybeast Is The Way To Avoid Wolves Like Tree And Pine If I NEEDED To.... HEHEHEHE I SCARE PEOPLE :D)
ReplyDeletewhen r u gonna put me in?
ReplyDeleteHehe Nice...
ReplyDeletecan there be an evil wolf called icyclaws in it???? She would have claws blazing with icy blue fire. She could kill someone easily with her claws. she would be a pure white wolf with red eyes.other wolves would run away from her because she is so evil. only if you want her in your story though
ReplyDeletehello! that was a really good story
ReplyDelete@Princess Tinywolf(Kiddypool)
ReplyDeleteCan I be in a Chapter too? (If it's okay) I'd want to be a white and grey wolf. If it's okay with you though.
@Princess Tinywolf(Kiddypool)
ReplyDeleteI forgot to ask another thing, if cats could be in the story could I be a white and grey cat? (Only if it's okay with you though.)
I think there's to much dialogue. You should try adding more details too. Also, when two people are talking press enter. or indent.
ReplyDelete-author pteri4u
Is it a play? Too much dialogue can sound like a play. You should have your reader see it. There's a little girl on your shoulder reading it. This are a few tips from me.
ReplyDeleteOh and too much ... try adding lengthy sentences. If you don't want to listen, fine. Your story won't sound as great
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete